This is it! This is Life.

My name is Amanda. I'm 23-years-old. And this is my life.

This song has got me feeling all kinds of emotions today. 

"Do you believe you’re missing out, like everything good is happening somewhere else? But with nobody in your bed, the night’s hard to get through…"

Sometimes when I’m home alone I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I feel like I am supposed to be further than I am right now, but I just keep having to wait. I have to wait to hear back from this new job because the positions are not open until August. I have to wait to start living with Jonny because our temporary residence has not yet been erected…and I still have a ton of shit left in my room that needs to be put into storage. I feel like I have been waiting so long for these things, these things that will help my life progress in the direction that I want it to go in. And I’m getting really tired of waiting. 

Yet, at the same time, a lot of things are happening really fast. We received our zoning permit fairly quickly. We are setting up our temporary residence this coming weekend. And we will be headed out to Missouri in October to assess a potential living situation. October is only about three months away and that’s insane to me to think that in three months I will have been with Jonny for 3 years. 

I know, for a little while here I was bothered by the fact that all of my cohorts, beyond my small circle of close friends, have started their lives with their significant others so quickly. Many have been together for a year or less and are already either living together, having a child, or getting married. And it started to make me feel like somehow I am really far behind in this game of life. 3 years with the same person and I still only wake up to them 3-4 days out of the 7 in a week. Those days in between, where I go to sleep and wake up alone are always the worst. But then I think to myself that perhaps it has been for the best. We both have degrees and we will both be working in our fields, and we have saved a ton of money. We are not traditional, and the life we are planning is not an ordinary one. It’s an experiment, an adventure. And while it is terrifying and sometimes frustrating and I get tired of waiting, it’s what I want. The only standards I am obligated to meet are my own, not societies and what they expect of two educated young-adults. 

I just have to keep telling myself that I only have to wait a little bit longer.

In about a weeks time I will be moving into the yurt with Jonny. We finished the frame and roof section weeks ago. Then this weekend we finished the base with the help of my dad and Jonny’s little brother. This morning I sewed the windows onto the cover and and Jonny just has to paint the base with a sealer before we can set up home-sweet-home. 

In other news, our garden is getting bigger with many squash, corn, tomato, bean and strawberry plants. I hope we have a nice turnout, because I am really looking forward to making delicious sun dried tomatoes, squash stir-fry, and other preserves.  

Finally everything is falling into place and we will soon begin our adventure.

"Adventures are only interesting once you’ve lived to see the end of them. Before that, they are nothing but fear, and being too cold or too hot or too wet or too hungry, and getting hurt."—Holly Lisle

thestolencaryatid:

passive aggressive family members

"guess i’ll never be a grandma"

"guess i’ll never be an aunt"

"guess i’ll never be able to dress a niece/nephew"

stop feeling so entitled to my hypothetical offspring. it is not yours. it is mine. i will grow it if i grow it. and it will be mine. not yours. i am not an incubator which grants you familial titles. jesus. go away. this “have a baby i can play with” thing is so impersonal and insensitive and annoying.

I relate to this post sooooo much…….

I am 23 and all i here is:

Mom: “I can’t wait for you to have kids, they’re going to be so cute. Then I can feed them sugar and send them back to you.”

Step dad: “we want more grandchildren!”

Grandma: “I hope I live long enough to see you get married.”

Grandma: “I hope I live long enough to see you have children.”

Grandma: “I hope you get married before you have children.”

Me: “STAHHPPPPPPP” 

(via erwins-khaleesi)

OITNB

While binge watching the second season of Orange is the New Black, I am sitting here falling in love with so many characters that I didn’t pay much attention to during season one. Poussey being the number one favorite on my list. In the first season Poussey was funny and she is fucking beautiful, but during this season her story is freaking breaking my heart. I also wish there was more back-story for Nichols. This season is crazy and amazing, and I am loving every second of it. And I can’t help but love every scene with Alex and Piper and their undeniable chemistry.

Also, Where the hell is Sophia during this season?! There is just not enough of her :(

This is me on the eve of my 23rd birthday and honestly right now I’m pretty content. The beginning of 22 was probably the best start to a year that I have ever had, but it also had a pretty rough middle (with my car dying and all of the stress of my last year of college). Tomorrow I will be starting a new year, at 23 I am a graduate, an aunt, a girlfriend, a person with a future ahead of them with (hopefully) many more years ahead. I don’t expect to feel any different at 23 but I know this is going to be a big year full of lots of changes and I am looking forward to them.
Got my hair cut and dyed for Graduation this coming weekend. Finally everything is back to normal and I am feeling good again. :)

Got my hair cut and dyed for Graduation this coming weekend. Finally everything is back to normal and I am feeling good again. :)

Yesterday Jonny went morel hunting and came home with quite a bounty. He was very excited, so we ate them for breakfast. This was just what I needed to get back on my feet and through the end of this final semester.

Little Dragon-Twice [HD]

I’ve been listening to this song on repeat all morning, as I lay here curled up in bed …too physically and emotionally exhausted to move. It’s so very lovely and peaceful.

Life has been really tough these past two weeks. I keep having hurdles thrown at me and I haven’t quite managed to gather the strength to overcome them as quickly as I need to.

On the upside, Jonny is more supportive then I could have ever imagined anyone to be. He has seen me cry harder and more frequently in these past few days then I have cried during our whole relationship thus far. And when I cry he just holds me and soothes me and I cry more because I am so thankful that he is there to do that for me.

I don’t feel very strong right now…and I don’t quite have the confidence that I’m going to make it… But with a little love from him and my family and friends I just might make it.